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    The ABCs of Managing Breakup Anxiety for Teens

    February 2, 2023

    If you are a teen going through a breakup you are likely experiencing a range of emotions from sadness, anxiety, anger, and confusion. Having breakup anxiety may make you feel on edge, nervous, and restless. You may even experience physical symptoms such as rapid breathing, sweating, trembling, fatigue, and increased heart rate. Let your parent […]

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    The ABCs of Managing Breakup Anxiety for Teens

    If you are a teen going through a breakup you are likely experiencing a range of emotions from sadness, anxiety, anger, and confusion. Having breakup anxiety may make you feel on edge, nervous, and restless. You may even experience physical symptoms such as rapid breathing, sweating, trembling, fatigue, and increased heart rate. Let your parent or trusted adult know about your symptoms so you can get proper medical care if needed.

    Breakup anxiety can include negative thought patterns, irritability, trouble falling or staying asleep, and difficulty concentrating. Recognizing the symptoms is the first step. Although you may be craving answers and may want to reunite with your ex, take this time for some introspection and self-care.

    Taking the time to process and understand your emotions will help you on the path toward healing. Here is a list of coping skills from A to Z, that hopefully are easy to remember and can help you to better manage your anxious feelings and negative thought patterns:

     

    Accept the painful thoughts. It is okay to grieve the ending of your relationship and not push the feelings away. 

    Breathe. Taking deep breaths enables more air to flow into your body and can help reduce anxiety.

    Change the Channel. Asking the same questions repeatedly (where did I go wrong? will I feel like this forever?) will keep you stuck.  Try to change your thoughts to different things other than your ex. 

    Do the opposite. If you are in your bedroom and are worrying about how to get over your ex, go outside to get the mail or turn on your music and sing your favorite song out loud.  

    Exercise. It can be a distraction and releases chemicals in the brain that make us feel better. 

    Focus on your strengths. Labeling our strengths and leaning into them can keep our stressors in perspective. 

    Get support. Reach out to family or friends who have supported you in the past, or you could contact a licensed mental health professional to discuss your emotions about the breakup. 

    Hear your compassionate voice. List things that make you you. (I am a good friend. I want to keep up my good grades. I have a track meet that I am looking forward to this week.) 

    I can handle this. List and prioritize doing the things that usually help you feel better: going for a walk, working out, playing the piano, and going to the movies. 

    Just be. Non-striving is the ability to let go of “doing” and to focus solely on just “being.” Practicing meditation is one way to practice being present. 

    Limit social media. Looking at your ex’s socials will likely keep you stuck in your negative thoughts and feelings.  

    Move your body, move your mood. Do things that make you happy like spending time with family, friends, and pets. 

    Notice what your body needs. Getting plenty of rest, keeping up with your personal hygiene, and eating a healthy diet are natural ways to reduce your anxiety and feel better. 

    Observe and describe. Being able to name what you are feeling and thinking can help you to stay present and do what you know can help you to feel better. 

    Pause. Before you reach out to your ex, think about how you may feel if you do not hear supportive or loving feedback. 

    Quiet your inner critic. Avoid blaming yourself for the breakup. Remember what happened and that it may be healthier for you to be without your ex. 

    Reframe your thinking. Offset a negative thought with a more helpful one based on your truths. For instance, “I will never enjoy myself again”  can become “I actually felt good going to the gym earlier today.”

    Sleep. The biology of getting rest and restorative sleep helps us to be less reactive tomorrow. 

    Time your worry. Give yourself a preset time to think about your ex (say for the next 30 minutes), set your timer, then turn your focus on your Netflix show, go out for a walk, or play a video game. 

    Unlearn unhelpful habits. You may have urges to use drugs and alcohol to numb your breakup pain which can have a lasting impact on your mental health and well-being. If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources.

    Validate your success(es): journal, tell a friend, or share with a family member 3 things that went right and what you did to make them work. 

    What have I learned about myself? Remember self-introspection and learning is the upside of healing after a breakup. List your values, strengths, supports, and coping skills. 

    X marks the spot….. the no-judgment zone. Awareness of the here and now without judgment can help to decrease anxiety.

    You choose what to pay attention to. Try the grounding exercise with Name 5 things you see right now, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, 1 thing you taste. This can help you to stay present. 

    Zen. Remember this pain you are feeling at this moment is temporary. It will pass. 

    If you find it challenging to manage your anxious thoughts, or if you are considering unhealthy habits, consider reaching out to a medical doctor or a licensed mental health professional that can help you process your anxiety in a safe environment.

    Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: #anxiety, #breakups, #situationships, #teens

    Mood Meters for Teens

    January 31, 2023

    In my therapy sessions with teens, I’ll often introduce the visual of a “mood meter, with a scale of 0 to 10. Zero is “the cool zone” or BLUE, the calmest mood, whereas 10 is “the hot zone” or RED—the worst imaginable mood. When clients tell me where they fall on the scale, I move […]

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    Mood Meters for Teens

    In my therapy sessions with teens, I’ll often introduce the visual of a “mood meter, with a scale of 0 to 10. Zero is “the cool zone” or BLUE, the calmest mood, whereas 10 is “the hot zone” or RED—the worst imaginable mood. When clients tell me where they fall on the scale, I move my left arm up or down. If a client is getting activated or hurriedly giving lots of details about a story, I may shift the language and use color words RED, YELLOW, BLUE (as well as hand movements) to convey their emotional intensity.

    When used regularly, I’ve found that a mood meter is a helpful way for teens to regulate their thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, and behaviors. Teens can check in with themselves and ask “What am I feeling right now, and where am I on my mood meter?” You can also pose this question to the teens in your life. They might respond with something like, “I’m so angry about what happened. My shoulders are getting tense and I’m clenching my hands. This feels like an 8. I’m definitely nearing my RED zone.”

    By labeling our feelings and sensations in the moment, we’re slowing down our reactivity and, stopping impulsive behaviors, and preventing negative consequences while moving towards making more conscious choices. We’re allowing a pause to happen, which gives us time to think through next steps. With clients, I demonstrate this pause by breathing audibly—inhaling, and exhaling—while sitting back in my chair with my shoulders back and my chin up. I tell them that before we react, it’s helpful to think about how to approach the issue at hand, to first answer the questions, “What’s the best way for me to handle this? What are my choices here? How do I want this to go?”

    This problem-solving approach can help decrease the amount of time clients spend in a higher mood rating, decrease how often they feel reactive, and reduce elevated reactions if they’re triggered in the future. With practice, clients can stop and think, “I’ve been through this before.”

    We learn to regulate our mood by becoming familiar with our triggers, developing different coping strategies that help us at each stage of our mood meter, and better matching our reactions to specific situations. Just like that, a mood meter can connect us to our feelings, thoughts, physical sensations, and behaviors and help us feel better sooner.

    Filed Under: Uncategorized

    Is it Sadness or Breakup Depression?

    January 31, 2023

    Breaking up is hard to do especially if you are a teen or a young adult. It is natural, even expected, to go through a range of painful emotions including shock, despair, anger, sadness, loneliness, and confusion. Poor adjustment to a breakup for teens is linked to depressive symptoms, anxiety, and rumination. A breakup is […]

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    Is it Sadness or Breakup Depression?

    Breaking up is hard to do especially if you are a teen or a young adult. It is natural, even expected, to go through a range of painful emotions including shock, despair, anger, sadness, loneliness, and confusion. Poor adjustment to a breakup for teens is linked to depressive symptoms, anxiety, and rumination.

    A breakup is often experienced as a huge loss. You may sense the loss of your routine, the loss of your identity as a “we” or an “us,” and the loss of your past and the future you thought you would have together. As teens, you are more susceptible to having challenges during a breakup as your brains are still developing and your bodies are changing quickly.

    It’s common to feel sad and down for a while after a breakup. Major depressive disorder, or clinical depression, is different than normal sadness. Stressful life events, like a breakup, can trigger depression, especially if it came as a shock or after a betrayal. If your sadness is constant, is lasting at least 2 weeks long, and affects all aspects of your life (school, work, home, and other relationships), you may want to be evaluated for a Major Depressive Disorder by a Doctor or a licensed Mental Health Professional. It’s important to know what symptoms to look for and what symptoms to share with the trusted adults in your life.

    To have clinical depression, you need to have several of the following:

    * A depressed mood
    * An “empty” feeling
    * Angry outbursts, irritability, or frustration, even over small matters
    * Tiredness and lack of energy
    * General feelings of guilt or worthlessness
    * Helplessness
    * Hopelessness
    * Loss of interest in things you previously enjoyed
    * Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased cravings for food and weight gain
    * Sleep problems including insomnia or sleeping too much
    * Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions, and remembering things
    * Slow moving or talking
    * Restlessness
    * Unexplained physical problems back pain or headaches
    * Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts, or suicide

    When to seek help:

    If you feel depressed, make an appointment to see your doctor or mental health professional as soon as possible. A doctor can evaluate if you need medication to treat your depressive symptoms. A therapist will use evidenced-based therapies such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or Dialectical Behavior Therapy to help you challenge the negative thoughts and replace them with more realistic and adaptive thought processes. If you think you may hurt yourself or attempt suicide, call 911 in the U.S. or go to your local emergency room immediately.

    If you’re having suicidal thoughts:

    * Call your doctor or mental health professional.
    * Contact a suicide hotline: In the U.S., call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Or use the Lifeline Chat. Services are free and confidential.
    * U.S. veterans or service members who are in crisis can call 988 and then press “1” for the Veterans Crisis Line. Or text 838255. Or chat online.
    * The Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the U.S. has a Spanish language phone line at 1-888-628-9454 (toll-free).

    Filed Under: Uncategorized

    5 Ways to Get Your Teenager to Talk to You

    January 30, 2023

    It’s tough trying to get your teen to talk. Science has shown that the teenager’s brain has yet to fully develop the frontal cortex, which is the area that controls our ability to reason, and to think before we act. As your teen’s brain develops, they’re also learning new things about themselves and their surrounding […]

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    5 Ways to Get Your Teenager to Talk to You

    It’s tough trying to get your teen to talk. Science has shown that the teenager’s brain has yet to fully develop the frontal cortex, which is the area that controls our ability to reason, and to think before we act. As your teen’s brain develops, they’re also learning new things about themselves and their surrounding world; simultaneously, they’re dealing with hormonal changes out of their control.

    For all of these reasons and more, it can be difficult to find ways to talk to your teen, or to get them to talk to you. Although it’s difficult, it’s not impossible; read on to find five ways to get your teenager to talk to you.

    Learn to Listen

    Take the time to listen to your teenager when they want to talk. Instead of saying you’ll talk to them later, step away from what you’re doing and listen to what they have to say. Don’t talk, interrupt or be quick to offer advice; just listen. Kids have thoughts and experiences that their parents don’t know about, and the best time to listen to them is when they’re asking to talk to you.

    Put Yourself in Their Shoes

    As you listen to your teen, your knee jerk response may be to quickly resolve their issue, offer advice or maybe even dismiss their complaints or opinions. Put yourself in your teen’s shoes; think about how you would feel if your spouse responded to you the way you respond to them.

    Watch for Signs

    Everyone has a desire to be heard and understood. As you talk to your teen, mirror back to them what you hear them saying. Watch for signs that they’re not being heard or understood by you. They might roll their eyes, shake their head, wave their hand at you or interrupt. When they’re nodding and/or silent, you’ll know you’ve understood.

    Ask Specific Questions

    Ask your teen specific questions rather than general “how was your day?” questions. Ask questions about a friend you know by name. Ask about a sport they participate in or a teacher they like. Ask open ended questions such as, “What was Mr. Burton’s class like today?”, or “What was the best thing that happened today? What was the worst thing?”

    Location, Location, Location

    When and where you try to talk to your teen matters. One of the worst times to talk to kids is after school. Just like you do after work, they need wind-down time. Instead, ask questions around the dinner table. It’s casual, and there’s no pressure for eye contact. The car is another great place to talk to your teen (unless their friends are in the back seat); they feel more comfortable because you’re not looking at them.

    If you’re having difficulty communicating with your teenager and need some help and guidance, a licensed mental health professional can help. Call my office today and let’s set up a time to talk.

    Filed Under: Adolescents/Teens



    81 Bridge Plaza Drive Manalapan, NJ 07726

    (732) 624-6140 hello@lenorazieglerlcsw.com

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    Breakthrough Counseling Services
    hello@lenorazieglerlcsw.com | (732) 624-6140

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